About the author

Sarah Bunce is a qualified and accredited counsellor with the BACP, with over 16 years’ experience. She is the Adult Counselling Service Lead at Havens Hospices, where she leads both the Adult Counselling Service and Lightwell Counselling Service, alongside supporting clients and delivering training.

Death is one of the few certainties in life, yet it remains one of the hardest things for us to talk about.

For many, there’s a quiet fear that speaking about death might somehow make it happen. This is sometimes referred to as “magical thinking” – the idea that saying something out loud can bring it into reality. In truth, talking about death doesn’t make it happen, but there can be consequences for not talking about death.

As a counsellor working with people who have been bereaved, I often see how difficult things can become when wishes haven’t been discussed. Families are left making important decisions about funerals or end-of-life care without knowing what their loved one would have wanted. At an already emotional and overwhelming time, this uncertainty can add pressure and distress.

When people do have these conversations in advance, it can bring a sense of reassurance. Knowing you are carrying out someone’s wishes can offer comfort during grief, rather than doubt.

Avoiding conversations about death doesn’t just affect practical decisions. It can also shape how we process grief. It can leave you with intense emotions that you don’t have an outlet for.  These can then build up and impact your relationships, your work or your sleep. Friends and family, often unsure what to say, may avoid mentioning the person who has died altogether.

For the person grieving, this silence can be painful. When such a significant loss goes unacknowledged, it can make it harder to process and come to terms with what has happened. Grief doesn’t disappear when it isn’t spoken about – it often becomes heavier.

If someone you know is bereaved, it’s okay to acknowledge their loss. Saying the name of the person who has died or asking if they’d like to talk about them can open the conversation. They may not always want to talk, but knowing the opportunity is there can make a real difference.

Dying Matters Awareness Week is an opportunity to challenge the taboo around death and dying. These conversations are not easy, but they are important. Making time to talk with the people you love about their wishes, and your own, can reduce uncertainty and bring comfort in the future.

It’s not about focusing on death, but about making things a little easier for those we care about when the time comes.

If you are struggling with grief or bereavement, you don’t have to manage it alone. Havens Hospices’ Lightwell Counselling Service offers support for adults coping with the death of a loved one providing a safe space to talk and process what you’re going through. To find out more or access support, please visit www.lightwellcounselling.com

Published 7th May 2026