About the author

Sarah Bunce is a qualified and accredited counsellor with the BACP, with over 16 years’ experience. She is the Adult Counselling Service Lead at Havens Hospices, where she leads both the Adult Counselling Service and Lightwell Counselling Service, alongside supporting clients and delivering training.

This week is Children’s Hospice Week, and we know for most people they will never experience the care and support children’s hospice can provide.

The death of a child is not something that you want to think about. But, for the families that we support this is something that they face, their worst nightmare coming true.

As a counsellor working across both hospital and hospice settings, I’ve supported many people at the end of life and those who are grieving. So how can you support parents who are going through this unimaginable time?

The ideas below are based on the experiences of the parents we support:

• Make sure that you acknowledge their loss when you speak to them. For a parent it can really hurt when they talk to someone, and they don’t mention their bereavement. This will be the most challenging thing they have ever faced in life, and to have this left unacknowledged adds to their heartbreak.  You won’t upset someone by talking about their child, but you may damage relationships if you keep quiet and say nothing.
• Many parents want their child to be remembered, especially by name. When I work with clients, I will make sure that I use their child’s name.
• Allow parents to talk to you without you feeling the need to fix things and make them better. Because let’s face it, there is nothing you can do or say that can fix this situation.  You will help by allowing them space to talk, they don’t expect you to have all the answers.
• Try to remember the significant dates for these parents and check in with them around these times – this will mean a lot as many people’s support tends to fade over time. For many people who are bereaved support tends to fade once the funeral has taken place, but this is usually the time when support is needed the most – as reality starts to hit and they start to face life without their child.

Of course, these are all just suggestions and you must be guided by the parents and what feels comfortable for them. The death of a child is often a taboo subject, one that we don’t want to talk about.  But the reality is that this is something that some parents do experience – whether the death is sudden or due to illness.  You can do your part to support a parent in that situation, to ensure that their grief is not compounded by feeling unsupported by those around them.

These small actions can make a difference.  You won’t have the answers, but by acknowledging and not shying away from this difficult topic you can offer support that is meaningful.

Aron Lane, from Chelmsford, whose son Evan was cared for by Little Havens explains how friends and family have been able to support him.

“You might think saying a child’s name would be easy. But after a child dies, many people beyond the parents and siblings, that child’s name falls silent.

“One of the hardest things was (and still is) when people avoid talking about Evan because they are worried it might upset us. The truth is, we think about Evan every day. Hearing his name or simply being asked about him doesn’t remind us that he died, that loss is a constant presence in our lives. Instead, it reminds us that he lived.

“Although Evan was only with us for 11 hours, those 11 hours mattered. He changed our lives forever and made us better people. My wife and I often find ourselves putting life’s frustrations and worries into perspective and saying, ‘These are the gifts Evan has given us.’ Losing him was the hardest thing we will ever face, and because of that, we have learned what truly matters and what doesn’t.

“Hearing his name is incredibly powerful for us. It brings him back into the world for a moment, reminding us that he is loved, remembered, and that his life, however brief, had meaning.

“The friends and family who supported us most weren’t the ones who had the perfect words. They were the ones who acknowledged our loss, listened without trying to fix it, and weren’t afraid to say Evan’s name. Grief can be incredibly lonely, and sometimes the simplest message – “I’m thinking of Evan today” – can mean more than people realise.

“Even now, years later, we still have Evan’s fundraising page open. On his birthday, at Easter, at Christmas, there are friends and family who quietly make a small donation and leave a message like, “Thinking of Evan on his birthday today.” Those small gestures fill our hearts more than people could ever know. They are simple, but they carry so much love and remembrance.

“For parents whose child has died, talking about them can bring sadness, but it can also bring comfort. Our children will always be part of our lives, our families, and our stories. Please don’t be afraid to mention them. You will not remind us that they died; you will remind us that they lived, that they mattered, and that they are still loved.”

If you, or someone you love, is struggling with grief or bereavement after the death of their child, you don’t have to manage it alone. Havens Hospices’ Lightwell Counselling Service offers support for adults coping with the death of a loved one providing a safe space to talk and process what you’re going through. To find out more or access support, please visit www.lightwellcounselling.com

Published 18th June 2026