Ask Sheila what her husband Brian was like, and the answer comes with a smile. “Kind. Giving. Hard-working.”

Brian and Sheila met in 1969 at a works dance at Fulham Town Hall. A friend hadn’t turned up, so two girls invited Sheila to join their table. By the end of the evening, she was sitting on Brian’s lap, and soon later, they had their first date at a bowling alley. Brian proposed in 1970 while they were watching Lady and the Tramp at the cinema, and they married in 1971. They were together for 56 years — 54 of them married — raising two daughters in Benfleet and welcoming four grandchildren.

Brian was a carpenter and joiner, building everything from window frames and radiator covers to the family’s conservatory. He loved Formula One, and he loved his garden — 80 feet of it, with a greenhouse where he grew lettuce, beetroot, tomatoes, strawberries and raspberries. Vegetables he grew but never ate, unless Sheila hid them in his dinner. On birthdays and anniversaries, thoughtfully, flowers would arrive out of the blue at the department store where she worked.

In March 2025, after months of unexplained pain and breathlessness, Brian was diagnosed with asbestosis — an incurable lung condition.

“He went through it,” Sheila says of the scans, biopsies and blood tests that followed. “I don’t know if I could have done all the tests that he did.”

From the point of diagnosis, the local palliative care team arranged equipment for their home. Brian and Sheila also visited Fair Havens Hub, where the team talked to Brian about his needs and wishes. They could see Sheila needed help too, and arranged pre-bereavement counselling for her.

Twice a week, Brian also went along to his local Men’s Shed — a community workshop where men come together to socialise and work on practical projects. “It gave him an outlet and a purpose,” Sheila says. “They looked after him when he needed it.”

By October 2025, Brian’s condition had worsened. He was falling at home and needed more care than Sheila could safely give him. After a fall during the night, his palliative care nurse knew more support was needed. The next morning, the phone rang: Fair Havens had a respite bed for Brian.

“There’s no way I could have taken care of him,” Sheila says honestly. “I’d be frightened he’d get out of bed and go down the stairs. I just couldn’t do it.”

From the moment they arrived at Fair Havens, Sheila says, the team cared for them both.

“The care was fantastic — I couldn’t fault it. As well as looking after Brian, they looked after me too. They even knew exactly how I liked my tea and toast.”

The team cared for Brian with dignity every single day, right to the end of his life. “It was the little things,” Sheila says. “Making sure all his hygiene needs were met — they made sure he was clean every day, even in the last stages of his life. All the staff were brilliant. He was really well looked after. They always made sure he was comfortable.”

While Brian was being cared for at Fair Havens, the family were offered a keepsake they will treasure forever — keyrings made from Brian’s thumbprint, one of the ways the Care Team helps families create lasting memories that capture something completely unique to the person they love.

“We had thumbprints made into keyrings,” Sheila says. “It didn’t cost us a thing.”

In Brian’s final days, Sheila stayed overnight in the family room at Fair Havens so that she could be close by his side. After 56 years together, that’s exactly where she wanted to be.

Brian died at Fair Havens on 3^rd November 2025, surrounded by his loved ones.

After Brian died, Sheila wanted to find a way to say thank you for the care he received at the charity. So, she did what she does best.

Sheila has been making lace on and off for 30 years — the one craft she’s always come back to. She spent two days creating a butterfly-shaped piece inspired by our very own mascot, Betsy, and presented it to the Fair Havens Care Team.

Speaking about how hard the months have been since, she says, “At first, it felt like I was walking in a parallel world. Now I feel I’m just walking through life.”

But she has no doubts about the care Brian received — or what she’d say to anyone who is hesitating to seek support from Havens Hospices.

“Go for it. Forget the word hospice. This was absolutely the best place for him. Without them, I’d have been a nervous wreck. I can’t fault it. I really, really can’t fault it.

“People should come and see what Havens Hospices does and not shy away from it.”

Brian and Sheila’s story shows that hospice care isn’t only for the end of life. Havens Hospices was there for them both — at Fair Havens Hub after Brian’s diagnosis, during his respite and end of life care — throughout life’s journey.